Desensitized

If love's a decision
I want to change my mind.
If it's an emotion
I want to go numb.
Let me go numb.

Please can't I be?
I want to change.
Someday I'll be
Desensitized.

I made a choise
I can't go back
My life would be a loss
There'd be nothing left
Of the last whole year.

Please can't I be?
I want to change.
Soon I will be
Desensitized.

I can see now
The rose color is gone.
Now I wonder why
I put up with it
For so long.

Please can't I be?
I want to change.
When will I be
Desensitized?

I'm done buying lies.
You can't take it back.
You were gone
When I needed you most.
I won't miss you anymore.

Please can't I be?
I want to change.
Now's the time to be
Desensitized.

You're in the past.
I have to stop
Looking back to you.
I'm moving forward.
You can't change it.

Yes, I can be.
I've made a change.
Finally I'm
Desensitized.

Upside Down Cake

It's so natural
Yet so intensely wrong.
playing with emotions
is what I've done for so long.
There's nothing right about it
But sometimes it feels okay.
To tell someone a certain thing
And change my mind the next day.
"I like you." That's true.
"But not that much." true as well.
Why do you put up with me
Putting you through this living Hell?
When will you ever figure out
That I'm the rotten egg.
That's not good for anything
I just like to see you beg.
The recipe is measured out
Ingredients in place.
There's just a small thing missing
I can't look at your face.
It's amazing what I've done wrong
The mistakes I still have to make.
Tearing apart my normal life
Creating upside down cake.
Just enough flavor
to make me stick around
But made in complete chaos
All starting with a sound.
When did this happen?
Why am I this beast?
I prey on unsuspecting victims
Like a dark and morbid feast.
They still see something good
Poking out of me.
I don't know how they do it
It's something I'll never see.
Why have I created
This life I hate so much?
can't I just be friends
and not feel the need to touch
On such a deeper level
Than ever was required
Can't I say 'you're a great friend'
not answer the inquired.
I need help in fixing this
I don't know what to do.
Help me with this life I've got.
I'm giving it to You.