Phone

So here's the deal. I'm on a treasure hunt right now. I'll explain...
Tuesday, 8:50 P.M. --
Quinton, Sabrina, Jessica, and I were at the Oakridge Boys concert. On the way back, Sabrina, Quinton, and I were playing football with a water bottle. While we were doing that, my phone fell out of my pocket. that's a problem.
Tuesday, 9:00 P.M. --
Quinton and I go out in search of my phone. We backtracked our steps multiple times, and called the phone a lot too. We ended up back at the hospitality lounge very depressed and waiting for the end of the concert so we could look after the lights were back on.
Tuesday, 10:30 P.M. --
Sabrina drags me out again to search. Quinton was tired and didn't want to go again, but Sabrina said it was stupid to sit and mope when we could be looking for it. Ok. I called my phone a lot, and then...
Tuesday, 10:47 P.M. --
My phone called me! I had been using Quinton's phone to call it and didn't know how to answer... But I called it back and it answered. It was a guy, and he asked if I knew where *something* was, I said what? and he said *something* and I said "no..." because I couldn't even understand him. He asked if I would be at the fair tomorrow because he'd already left and I said yes, and asked him to leave it in the 4-H building. He said he would.
Wednesday, 1:00 P.M. --
I asked around at the various 4-H offices. No phone. Called my dad, and he cancelled the phone so said guy couldn't use it and wouldn't be worth anything to him. I still didn't have my phone... Before it was disconnected I called it again and it went straight to voicemail. Guy turned the phone off.
Wednesday, 10:00 P.M.--
I gave up on finding my phone. I was angry and depressed... My pictures and everything were gone along with the phone.=(
Thursday, 1:15 P.M.--
Called Dad again to tell him that I may not be going to Pulsefest. He then told me all the numbers that my phone had called. Only two, one three times though. At around 9:30 Tuesday night, so that was before he called me. The other was at two in the morning.
Thursday, 1:20 P.M. --
I called the first number, and they said that the guy said he left it at "Emerson."....? There is a street called Emerson, so I wonder if he left it on Emerson and 38th? Then the lady said he left it at my building with my managaer... I don't know... Then I called the other number and it didn't answer... But it was Ashley! Lol.
Thursday, 1:30 P.M. --
Ruth and I went walking the grounds to see if it was turned in to a different building. We checked with the main office, the police, and Ag Hort. No luck. Me being the lucky person that I usually am, I half expect to find it sometime but I dunno. *sigh*
Thursday, 2:15 P.M. --
Ruth and I get back. I call the first number again to see if I can get more info, and she says she's no longer with the person who actually talked to said guy, and if she sees her again she'll have her call Ruth's phone (which is the one I'd been using).
Thursday, 3:04 P.M. (Now)--
So I guess we'll see. I'm hoping... I really need a phone! I guess I gues Ruth's or Rachael's or Mom's when they get their new ones... Eep. I really desperately want my pictures... The phone would be a huge plus too, because I love it. I guess I'll try and keep you posted on this whole situation. Hopefully I'm lucky again...

Home

Today was really icky. I lost my phone and the stupid guy who said he'd give it back didn't. I'm wanting to call him a lot of things I shouldn't be thinking. So I was "bummed" and went to talk to Quinton. We were in the info booth and several people came by and made comments. It was pretty funny. The thing they don't get is that if something was actually going on, I would probably be blushing. Silly people. So today I'm just... confused. Feeling really stupid. I want to go home.

Eep

Ever notice how you do things that you don't even know are wrong and then you get in trouble for it? Ick. Then you find out that it's not -really- you they're mad at, and everyone's actually mad at someone else who happens to be involved with your party... Eeek. The best follow up for that? Sleep until 11 and go home for the night.

Forever

Forever

Why do we say "I don't love you" when we do?
Why don't we yell it from a rooftop?
It's a feeling. We're supposed to have it.
So why do be supress it?

It's because of people.
People we're scared to let down, to disappoint.
It's because we're scared to let our real feelings be shown.
We're scared we're doing something wrong.
We're scared of what people might think.
We're scared of all that, but even more...
We're scared of feeling something so greatand losing it all forever.

If I died today
Would anyone be sorry that they never told me?
Would anyone say "I loved her."
Would anyone cry
the tears of a man who lost forever?

Why didn't he tell me?

Was is because of people?
People he was scared to let down, to disappoint?
He was scared to let his true feelings be shown
Open to ridicule.
Scared to do something wrong.
Scared of what people might think...
What if I wasn't everything he thought?
Or was he just scared that I wasn't his forever?

I'm lieing face up on my back
something I never do.
My hands are folded on my chest
I am cold.
My lifeless body looks elagent.
And he wonders...

Why didn't he kiss me then?
When I might have been able to kiss him back...

Was it because he was scared?
Scared of what people might do, or think, or say behind his back?
Scared to let his feelings be shown?
Scared that I wouldn't want to love him back?
Was he worried that his forever might end with my back to him?
That his forever wasn't real?

His forever was real.
His forever wanted him to know.
But I never told him.
I was scared of what people might think.
And now all I can do...Is sit in foreverand wait for him to follow me.
To where forever never ends.



Though this is a few weeks old, yes, I'm thinking again. It's a rather dangerous thing to do, is it not? Yeah. So why do I insist on doing it all the time? What is wrong with me? Don't you think it would be easier (not to mention safer) to just... Not? What if no one thought? Or at least, didn't think about dangerous things.*
The pros of thinking:
1.) You can remember something that happened before. Good memories.
2.) You can make up things in your mind... You think up cool situations and not even realize they're wrong...
3.) There are a lot more... But that would require thinking.
The cons of thinking:
1.) You can remember something that happened before. Bad memories.
2.) You can make up things in your mind... Cool things that happened and then you find that they never did.
3.) There are many more... Probably more than pros... But that would require thinking.

*Danger here is something entirely different than regular danger and the kind of danger you might be thinking of.

*sigh* Yeah....

Sometimes

Some things are better left unsaid.
Some things are meant to be kept silent.
Sometimes you don't want to tell.
Sometimes you don't want to know.
Sometimes you wish you never found out.
Sometimes you have to question your sources.
Sometimes things aren't true.
Sometimes they are.
Some things just aren't worth knowing.
Some things should remain untold.
Sometimes you should just shut up.
Sometimes you're an idiot.